Season of the flashing road horse, and the flashing squad car, is upon us

It’s summer: sunny days, communing with nature, road trips. It’s a splendid season and, here in the Midwest, it’s our reward for enduring another winter. It’s also the season when birds and other animals have completed their migrations and hibernations. They rise from their slumber and frolic in the woods and meadows, and, occasionally, across the roadways.

One such critter, known to many in Illinois as the state animal, is the flashing road horse. The flashing road horse, and its cousin, the North American Orange Coneous, are drawn to highways the way Canadian geese are attracted to retention ponds and gulls are drawn to department store parking lots. The flashing road horse and its distant cousin, the two-sided road sign, the latter usually seen leg in hand with the species known as the Road Construction flaggarious, require special considerations from drivers.

Less random than the deer that might dart into the road, these creatures of the roadous contructioneous family are often announced by their brethren and sisters, the roadconstructionahead billboardia.

Many states are very protective of the flashing road horse, though some claim this is because of their frequent and close proximity to human animals of the road construction variety. Of course, road construction workers, unlike the road horse, do not flash, though they will bark loudly at anyone who drives above the posted speed limit in a road construction zone.

That’s one of the first things to think about when driving near the flashing road horse or the North American Orange Coneous; slow down and be aware. Though the flashing road horse is an amazingly docile animal, known to remain stationary for months, and months, and months and …, well, months on end, road construction humans in their vicinity often seem preoccupied with other matters, such as tearing up and replacing the flashing road horse habitat.

Paying attention is vital when driving near the flashing road horse and similar species. You might pay attention on the rare possibility that you would actually see a flashing road horse move from its familiar frozen stance. Usually, however, this only happens when someone hasn’t been paying attention and strikes a road horse or two with a vehicle.

One of the worst things to do when driving near flashing road horses or North American Orange Coneouss is to talk on a cell phone. Not only could this attract the attention of that other denizen of the roadways – known by several names, including constable, patrol officer and trooper – but, speaking on a cell phone while driving near humans of the road construction variety has led to serious injury for many flashing road horses, as well as the road construction humans.

The prior variety of humans has something in common with the road horse – both have flashing lights. But, while the road horse merely flashes its light from a stationary position, the constable, patrol officer and trooper will flash lights while moving. Usually, the flashing of lights is followed by the presentation of a small token of appreciation. This, delivered on a yellow slip of paper, commonly known as a ticket, includes an invitation to visit with another human animal.

This latter animal, known as the Justice OT Peace, has something in common with the orange coneous – the absence of what is frequently referred to as a sense of humor. Those who have driven too fast near the flashing road horse, spoken on a cell phone while passing North American Orange Coneouss or have actually struck road horses or, much worse, humans of the road construction variety, will find that they wish the Justice OT Peace had a sense of humor.

But, there’s nothing funny about the costs associated with the presentation of tickets of this type and there is certainly nothing funny about hitting a road construction worker.

This message, along with the hope that you all have an enjoyable and safe summer driving season, is brought to you by Performance Unlimited, where they keep you on the road whether waiting on a flagger or driving in a zone free of the flashing road horse.

For more information, call Performance Unlimited at 815-728-0343 or visit: www.4performanceunlimited.com.